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Life

This category contains 105 posts
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Married Life Has Been Hard. Oh, And I Have Cancer.

Hey. It’s been a while. That’s the thing about a humour blog. It takes a really long time to find a clever, witty line to put after I have cancer and it’s one of the worst possible kinds. And boy, are my arms tired! See what I mean? But here I am just the same, even if I haven’t […]

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I Bet Newton Never Had To Deal With This

Life is funny, don’t you think? Hmmm, me neither. Last month, I wrote about how I was going to start doing things differently. How I was going to join a gym, stop eating junk food and get myself back into shape. Well, I did join a gym and I went at least every second day, without […]

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The 5$ Sunglasses I Bought At Walmart Last Week Are Already Broken

And they fit me so perfectly and everything. Now look at them. Look: Can you believe this?

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fat woman

Doing Things Differently

A little over eight years ago, I met Jepeto. I was 36 and in the best shape of my life. I weighed a hundred and twelve pounds, worked out regularly, ate well and – although I was a smoker – had tons of energy and felt fantastic. Eight years later, I’m 44 and haven’t worked […]

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bullseye

If An IQ Score Falls In The Forest…

*Deep breath* Did you ever work at something for a really, really, really long time without ever seeming to make any progress on it, yet you kept plugging away at it – working at it from different angles, from the same angles, from right and left angles, even from a really obtuse angle once, but […]

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We crossed the Brooklyn Bridge

The Day I Didn’t Almost Kill Ziva And M But Then We Got Drunk Anyway

My visit with Ziva and and her husband M hit rock bottom when – in a slightly inebriated state – I decided to drape myself drunkenly pose rather mockingly with a statue that turned out to be in front of a church or something (and had rice all over it, which I assume is some […]

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crooked painting ocd

OCD And Why I Should Never Be Allowed To Make Important Decisions

Let me just start by saying that I don’t lick doorknobs. I don’t wash my hands 1,000 times a day in scalding hot water. I don’t have to turn light switches on and off three times before I leave a room. And Lord knows, I do not feel the uncontrollable urge to clean stuff. But […]

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tomato plants marigolds bins small garden space

Bunch of Words and Stuff

So, what’s new? What’s everyone been up to? I completely forgot to write anything, even after receiving numerous text messages and voice mails all saying just that: WRITE SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Geez, that Nicky is one persistent… ANYWAY, here are a bunch of words that I turned into semi-coherent sentences which I separated into sections using […]

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fat furry cat

Spring Cleaning

I stared in utter revulsion. After 20 minutes and considerable maneuvering – not to mention a horrible ripping sound that made me suspect we will be redoing the floor this summer – I finally managed to pry the fridge out of the alcove it lives in. And then stood, staring dumbly at the vilest thing […]

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birthday cake

Happy Birthday, Mon Ami

Today is a very special day. On this day in 1996, the now-defunct Montreal Expos thrashed the Colorado Rockies 21-9 at Coors Field. If that isn’t incredible enough, on this day in 1789, the crew of the British ship Bounty mutinied, setting Captain William Bligh and 18 sailors adrift in a launch in the South […]

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And people wonder why I'm with him...

The Key To A Successful Relationship

That’s right, folks! I’m giving away free advice today and today only! As someone who used to date bums and losers almost exclusively until I finally found Mr. Right, I consider myself uniquely qualified to counsel couples. Yes, by Mr. Right, I mean Jepeto. No, I’m not joking. And it’s taken a lot of hard […]

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suggested page

They Know Me Like The Back Of Some Random Stranger’s Hand

Facebook has or will have over a billion users this year, depending on which link you clicked on when you Googled “How many people are on Facebook in 2013?” Which is why it makes me laugh when I read post after post about how much people hate Facebook. Everybody hates Facebook so much, yet there […]

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crafted balconies montreal

Craftsman – 30 Days of Photos Day 7

I’ve written about him before, so when I saw that today’s theme was “Craftsman”, I could do nothing but revisit my Great Grandfather’s handiwork which still stand a few blocks from where I live. I was always told that he was a Millwright, and after fleeing the Russian Revolution of 1905, settled the family in […]

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paint drips, colours, colors, paint

There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American

The title of this post is a quote by O. Henry and I’m pretty sure that when he said it, he was so drunk he forgot that Canada has Thanksgiving too. And has it first. Monday, October 8th is Canadian Thanksgiving. That’s right, there are actually things to be thankful for here in the land […]

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chalkboard, chalk

It’s Time

Nicky. Nicky? The voice is gentle at first, but persistent. C’mon, girl, you’ve got to get up. It’s time. Nicky? Nicky! Less gentle now, much more persistent. I grab my pillow, lift it and bury my head beneath it in a pathetic attempt to silence that voice. The persistence turns to mockery. Idiot! As if […]

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